Katie Couric Update

Here is the difference between the actual photo of Katie Couric, and the picture that showed up in the magazine. A thanks to TCV for the picture analysis.

Suri's Poop Sculpture

The artist Daniel Edwards, who was recently in the news for creating a sculpture of a nude Britney Spears giving birth, has wowed the art community again. This time, he has produced a bronze replica of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby Suri's first solid stool. The artist expects the piece to go for $25,000 to $30,000.

Hmm. Maybe modern art is all crap after all.

Link: Pic and Source.

CBS Thinks Katie Couric Is Fat

In a recent promotional photograph for a magazine that CBS distributes, Katie Couric's photo was airbrushed to make her look slimmer. When queried about the happening, Couric said, "I liked the first picture better because there's more of me to love."

Aw! Isn't she cute? I can only suspect that she won't be quite as cute, however, when she is disembowling CBS's photo department.

Links: Pic. Source.

Tom Arnold: Best D*** Divorcer Period

Tom Arnold filed for separation with his wife of four years, Shelby Roos. This will be, assuming it gets there, Tom's third divorce.

I guess Shelby wasn't doing anything to make Tom famous, huh?

Links: Pic. Source.

Jessica Simpson Has to Rest the Pipes

Unfortunately for Jessica's promoters, Jessica has lost her voice, and, as such, will be unable to sing despite her blietzkrieg promotion of her new album, "A Public Affair." She is hoping to have enough voice back so that she can sing on the Today Show.

Ah. If only she had lost her voice before she thoughtfully conjectured that Chicken of the Sea was chicken, she might be a world leader by now.

Links: Pic. Source.

Kate Hudson Makes Up

It appears that the waters have been smoothed out between Kate Hudson and here Black Crowes' frontman husband. Despite her publicist announcing they had split, the couple was seen dining together on Sunday of last week.

Ah. Isn't it romantic? We're together, we're divorced, we're together...it just pulls at the heartstrings, doesn't it?

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Sean Connery says, "Show Me The Money!"

It is reported that the only way Sean Connery would appear in the fourth Indiana Jones movie is if he were offered a lot of money. Connery has been in a self-imposed retirement from movies for several years because he believes that idiots run Hollywood.

Nice work, Mr. Connery. Hit 'em where it hurts; the wallet.

Although, it would be really cool if you were in this movie. I've got five bucks, I can offer you, is that enough?

Links: Pic. Source.

Lisa Kudrow, Va Va VOOM!!!

Now, I'm not saying that Lisa Kudrow is not attractive or that I didn't enjoy her on Friends.

What I am saying is that maybe if you're 65 years old, you should wear a little something more up top, especially if you're going to a prestigious award show. That's all I'm saying.

Elton John Wants to Write Hip-Hop

Elton John has said that the next big project that he wants to work on is a hip-hop album. He would like it to be something in the vein of "No-Diggity" by Blackstreet.

How appropriate that a singer that hasn't been relevant for at least ten years (if you count the Lion King as relevant) is looking to make an album based around the sound of a song that came out at about that time.

But, I mean, in the man's defense, Elton John is getting up there in the years, so, perhaps that's where his last memory is.

Link: Source.

Mark Wahlberg a Liar

Mark Wahlberg has announced that he wanted the part in Invincible so much, that he lied in his audition. He said that he had played college football, when, in fact, the actor never even went to college.

Maybe casting agents should take a little closer looks at people's resumes.

"Mr. Wahlberg, it looks like you played football for Harfurd Unitversity...wait a second...Harfurd? That's ridiculous, what kind of a boob do you take me for?"

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William H. Macy Angry at Lohan

William H. Macy, who is co-starring in the film Bobby with Lindsay Lohan says that her showing up late for work is nothing but disrespectful. He says that he worries about these kids who are suddenly millionaires and box-office powerhouses because they just can't handle all of the power yet.

Mr. Macy, I respect you as an actor, but did you really care about Lindsay, or were you looking for some publicity for yourself?

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Colin Farrell Is Helpful

While on the set of a Woody Allen movie in which he plays Ewan McGregor's brother, Colin Farrell insisted that shooting stop due to the fact that he saw a little boy fall off of his bicycle. The star reportedly ran over and comforted the boy.

Aw. It just makes you all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it? Well, it does until you realize that even breathing the actor's cigarette breath for a short time probably gave him lung cancer.

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George Clooney Afraid of Disease

George Clooney was afraid that he had caught malaria on a recent visit to the Darfur region of Africa. Fortunately for the "Ocean's 11" actor, it turns out that it was just food poisoning.

Now, Mr. Clooney, I know that your intentions are good, and that you are doing a lot to help out some of the poorest people on earth. I think that that's honorable.

I'm just saying, maybe if you don't want to catch horrible diseases, you shouldn't go to Africa.

Link: Source.

Tom Cruise Got Fired

Tom Cruise has been let go from Paramount Studios apparently because he's gotten too much bad press. A statement from the studio said that although they liked him as a person, they just couldn't continue in business with him.

Wow. I imagine that that's a lot like what it's like to be broken up with and then be told that you can still be friends. Or, as I'm sure Tom Cruise heard it, GLAKSDFOIVJJ$#()JDALKMN!!!

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Kevin Federline Unpopular with Rap Community

Kevin Federline's recent performance at the Teen Choice Music Awards presents the rapper as something of a joke. Many in the rap industry just can't take Mr. Britney seriously.

Let me say that first, I don't really like rap, however, I can appreciate if and when it is well done. Let me then say that watching Kevin's performance was akin to getting kicked in the junk repeatedly. You can watch it here, if you like. Let's just say that with lyrics like, "'Don't hate because I'm a superstar! And I'm married to a superstar! Nothin' come between us no matter who you are!", how can you expect respect?

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National Lampoon's Founder Dies

Robert K. Hoffman died the other day at the age of 59. He had been suffering from Leukemia since last year.

Here's to hoping you make 'em laugh in the afterlife.

Link: Source.

Tina Fey and Others to Leave SNL

Tina Fey has already left the cast of show Saturday Night Live, and there are four other current cast members who have been fired. Although the actors themselves know, the public does not yet know which cast members are no longer with the show.

Wow. Without Tina as head writer, maybe the show can start being funny again, and not funny in an unfunny way, like it is most of the time. I also see that Rachel Dratch has left the show, which means no more Debbie Downer. Thank the great good Lord for that one.

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Paris Hilton in Tears

Paris Hilton has gone on record as saying that her new album is so good, that when she hears it, she is drawn to tears.

Somehow, I suspect that if and when I hear her album, I'll be drawn to tears as well, though likely not for the same reason. It'll be more about the fact that I have a B. A. in Music, and I'm just not willing to fornicate with people to get my music produced.

Links: Pic. Source.

Anchors Will Not Be Away for Ocean's Fourteen

The director of the popular Ocean's Eleven series has revealed that there will not be an Ocean's Fourteen. Steven Soderbergh has said that Thirteen will be the final.

And thank the great good Lord for that. Even three times of telling essentially the same story is enough.

Link. Source.

Batman Lawsuit

Deborah Dozier Potter, the daughter of one of the original producers of the 60's tv series Batman, is suing 20th Century Fox in the amount of $4.4 million due to an old contract that she recently found. The contract apparently states that her father was to have received 26 percent of net profits from the show.

Holy outrageous lawsuit, Batman!

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Wynona Rider Seeks Revenge

Wynona Rider had the last laugh on a bully who used to pick on her in middle school. The former bully apparently asked Rider for an authograph, to which Rider responded, "Go f*** yourself."

And frankly, it was a pretty witty retort too. I know that if I had had, what, like forty-five years between me and middle school, I know that I couldn't come up with anything better that "Go f*** yourself." It's comedic gold.

Links: Pic. Source.

Aniston Not Engaged

Jennifer Aniston has denied that she is engaged to Vince Vaughn. She says that she has no ring, and that the two are not engaged.

Well, that definitively closes this saga. Well, it closes it until next week when somebody else says that they're engaged again. And when they do, I'll be the first to let you know.

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Kevin Federline Not a Mooch

According to a recent GQ article, Kevin Federline claims that he does not live high on the hog with his wife's (Britney Spears) money. He claims that though there are estimates that he made between one and 3.6 million dollars from the couple's reality show, he has spent most of that money on an engagement ring and a recording studio in the couple's home.

Huh. So he's poor? It almost makes you want his singing career to take off...almost.

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Britney Spears Says Second Baby Not On Purpose

Britney Spears recently told the press that her second baby was not planned.

Dear Second Baby:

As you will likely be reading this some day in the future when your mother is roughly the size of your average heavenly body, I will be brief.

Your mother did a lot of dumb stuff when she was younger. While this may not take the sting away from realizing that you were not really on the to do list, it will help explain why she would ever say something so potentially traumatizing to your future self.

Now, to more important matters. You need to walk, nay, RUN from the house. Your mother will eat you. She is that hungry and starved for attention.

Good luck.

Links: Pic. Source.

Ace Ventura 3?

Morgan Creek is working with writers to produce a third installment in the Ace Ventura series. This chapter would chronicle the life of Ace Ventura's son who is looking to take over the family business.

Morgan Creek must have seen what box office successes "Dumb and Dumberer" and "Son of the Mask" were to decide to make this very well educated choice.

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Paris Hilton's Bet

Paris Hilton's recent statement that she would not have sex for a year appears to be the result of a bet with some of her friends. The bet is simply about who can last the longest without giving in.

Nice work, Paris. Way to take something that would be semi-honorable and make it something cheap.

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Christina Ricci Bares All for Audition

Christina Ricci is reportedly upset that she still has to audition to get parts. For "Black Snake Moan," Christina wanted the part so badly, that she sent pictures to the producers that she describes as pretty much sex shots. She thinks that after being in the industry for as long as she has, she should just be offered parts, and not have to try and get them.

Maybe people don't give her parts because, facially, she looks like one of those creepy china dolls. I'm just saying.

Links: Pic. Source.

Britney's Home Video

As I talked about here, Britney Spears was recently seen in a home video from a couple of years ago that doesn't present her in the best light as she discusses, among other things, time travel.

I just found the link to the video. You can watch her in all of her intelligent goodness right here.

Katie Couric Needs More Time

Katie Couric, who is set to take over the CBS Evening News from Dan Rather, is being told by her fans that they would like the show to be an hour long, as opposed to the show's current half-hour format.

I would assume that this is coming from the same people who thought that Dan Rather was too speedy in his speech. Now that Couric is taking over, they can only assume the worst.

Link: Source.

It's Tough to Be the Hoff

While David Hasselhoff was walking around in Malibu the other day, he thought that he would stop by the beach where "Baywatch" had been filmed. When he got there, he tried to get in, but the person taking admission made him pay the seven bucks to get in like everybody else. To this, Hoff responded, "Man, I used to own this beach."

There are a couple of things wrong with this, and the first is that you have to pay admission to a beach. That blows. Secondly, how does anybody not recognize the Hoff at the beach where for, like, fifty years he played the lead character in a famous tv show?

It sucks to be you right now, David. Here's to hoping things get better.

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X-Men 4 in the Works

It is being reported that there will be a fourth installment in the multi-million dollar X-Men movie series. The largest problem appears to be dealing with salary requirements for all of the A-list celebrities that appear in the movie.

I imagine that those arguments are based around something like this:"I won't do another one of those crappy movies unless you give me enough money to buy my own continent."

Link: Source.

Kate Hudson Separates from Husband

Kate Hudson has separated from husband Chris Robinson, who is the lead singer of the Black Crowes. While no reasons were given, it is believed that the couple split amicably.

Well, now there's a chance for the rest of us to date Ms. Hudson. Good for us. Now if only she could work on having a bit more of a chest, we'd be in good shape.

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Matthew McConaughey Wants Jen

Matthew McConaughey reportedly gave Jennifer Aniston a call for a date, but he was turned down. Matt is not put off, though. According to a friend, when Matthew gets his eye on something he wants, he gets it.

I'm sorry, Jen, but turning down Matthew? I like Vince as much as the next guy; heck, probably more than the next guy, but Matthew? I'd bear his children.

Well, if I had a womb, I would. Where else would it gestate, in a box?

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Britney Spears Believes in Time Travel

In a video that was recently leaked onto the internet that was apparently taken by K-Fed, Britney Spears was feeling dumpy, ugly, and worthless. In between feeling sorry for herself, Britney said this, "Have you ever seen 'Back to the Future?' Is that possible - to travel back in time? I think some people can do that. I think some people are ahead of us."

Sadly, it appears that the non-stop Starbucks and baby-making hasn't made our little blondy any smarter.

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Joe Francis Is Pretty Much the Worst Person Ever

As many of us already probably realized, Joe Francis, the creator of the popular adult video series "Girls Gone Wild," is a terrible, horrible person. In the attached link, you will find an LA Times' reporter's version of what it's like to hang out with the mogul of swank, which includes a story about him nearly breaking the female reporter's arm and Joe raping an 18 year old girl, or at least continuing to have sex with her when she said no.

Have your fun, rich boy. Your time is coming.

Links: Pic. Source.

Jennifer Aniston Engaged!

Despite her publicist's cries to the contrary, US Weekly is reporting that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn got engaged on or around June 28. The pair, that starred together in The Break Up, had been seen regularly in public together.

I couldn't be happier for the couple; they both are supremely talented at their craft. Oh wait, I could be happier if it were myself instead of Vince Vaughn that was getting engaged to Aniston, but we can't have everything, can we?

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Robin Williams Checks Into Rehab

In an apparent effort to show that not just Mel Gibson has an alcohol problem, Comedian Robin Williams has checked himself into rehab. The actor had been sober for about twenty years prior to admittance.

AHA! This explains why you made R.V.! Don't worry Robin, I won't hold it against you.

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More Bad News for Mel Gibson

In yet another item on the list of unfortunate things that have happened to Mel Gibson lately, Disney announced that it would not be releasing his Apocolypto due, likely, to the large amount of negative publicity the star has received following his arrest for drunk driving. Among possible studios that may release it is Lion's Gate, which released Michael Moore's controversial Fahrenheit 9/11.

Again, Mel, good luck, and I hope that you get better.

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Courtney Cox Seeks Marriage Therapy

Slate-haired beauty Courtney Cox recently called on a marriage therapist to help out with some issues between her and her husband, actor David Arquette. She sincerely wants the relationship to work, and so she is stepping back from it in order to get a better perspective.

Is anyone else still surprised that she married Arquette in the first place? A beautiful actress and an un-funny funnyman? It just doesn't make sense. I do, however, wish them the best.

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Some Food for Thought

Here are a couple of the headlines going on in the world of entertainment today.

Janet Jackson has revealed that she will continue to reveal her body until she's eighty years old. What, isn't that what she got in trouble for at the Super Bowl?

Paris Hilton is going to be released in Hello Kitty form. The popular Japanese doll company has said that it will model one of its dolls after Paris. The odd thing is, that I.Q.'s of Paris and the doll are actually quantitatively close.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have said that they will be releasing pictures of their little daughter, Suri, very shortly. This comes after keeping the child far from the public eye, and even from some of their friends' eyes, for several months. I know that I, for one, cannot wait to see this child. In fact, I was very excited the other day when I thought that I had seen it in a stroller when I realized that EVERY STINKING BABY LOOKS ABOUT THE SAME!

And finally,

Dennis Miller has announced that he will be taking a position for Fox News. With his addition, be careful tuning in the Fox News, because your tv really will fall of the right hand side of your entertainment center just as soon as it reaches that channel.

Paris Still Saying No to Sex

Actress, er, singer, erm..., person who is famous for being famous Paris Hilton is in the news again saying that it is her plan to be celibate for a year. This follows her original announcement of this plan last month as well as her re-hooking up with her former boyfriend Stavros.

Poor, poor Stavros. Did you pick the wrong time to get back with her or what? I can't imagine that she is much of a draw if you're not sleeping with her. I mean, she doesn't even know who Tony Blair is.

Good luck with the next year, Stavros.

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Madonna Writes Gibson a Letter

Madonna has written Mel Gibson a letter to see if she can help him. The singer believes that Mel's comments were out of line, but, according to someone close to her, "Madonna thought Mel was out of order but also in a low place, so she has written to him to try and help him."

Whoa. Madonna is trying to help Mel Gibson? Maybe his career is in more trouble than I thought.

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J Lo Dropped "Dallas" Because of Travolta

It is being reported that Jennifer Lopez dropped out of the highly publicized movie version of "Dallas" due in part to the fact that John Travolta was going to play her on-screen husband.

Really? You're going to snub John Travolta? Sure, he's getting a little pudgy, but the man is an incredible actor. Didn't you see "Battlefied Earth" or "Michael" or, er...Okay, I guess you can turn down the part.

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Kid Rock Is All Class

Kid Rock's ex-girlfriend, Jill Marie Gulseth, has said that she was heartbroken when rocker Kid Rock broke up with her via text message. She said that he had left her because he was still in love with Pamela.

Why is it that, arguably, the ugliest celebrity on the planet gets to get busy with all of these attractive women? It seems to me that if I were in his shoes, and I was having to beat away models who wanted to date me, I would at least show some thankfulness about it, because I would realize that if I weren't a formerly successful rock star, these women would never even look at me. Well, they might look at me, but only as long as it takes to say, "And I'd like a large order of fries with that."

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Paris Hilton Wants No Nicole

Paris is on record as saying that she doesn't wish to work with her former best friend Nicole Richie for their hit show The Simple Life. Paris said in an interview, "I don't know what happened to her. She just let fame get to her head. I look forward to doing a new 'Simple Life' with someone else."

Wow. Paris is saying Nicole's fame went to her head? That's just about as dumb as when she said that she didn't know their was a camera in the room the night that she made her sex tape.

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Elton John Has Good Taste

Elton John has been talking about how he hates American bands; well, specifically, he's been talking about how he hates their fashion sense. He was quoted as saying, "I'm so over the tattoos and the T-shirts and the rings through noses. It's not pretty, it's not pleasant, and it's not exciting. Please stop it now." He went on to talk about how British rock stars have always had a pretty good sense about fashion.

Okay Elton. If you are going to wear a Donald Duck suit on stage and think that it's good fashion sense, I've got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.

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Hugh Jackman to Return to Broadway

Hugh Jackman, who is most famous for his role as Wolverine in the X-Men movies, is set to star in a Broadway revival of the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, Carousel. The actor will also be producing the musical, which is about a carnival barker who has been given one day to set some things right with his life.

Now, I like Hugh Jackman. I like Broadway. I like that he's going to do a show on Broadway. But why did he have to pick a crappy one?

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The Latest on Mel

Mel Gibson has been charged with a misdemeanor DUI for his drunk driving citation last week. If he is convicted, Gibson could spend up to six months in prison.

Yeah, I'm sure that that's likely. I just can't see them putting him in prison. After, they can take his life, but they'll never take his freedom!

Link: Source.

Colin Farrell Surprised at Don Johnson

Colin Farrell was reportedly surprised to be snubbed by Don Johnson. Don Johnson created the role in Miami Vice that was then taken to the big screen by Farrell.

I'm sorry? Don Johnson who? If I were Farrell, I'd probably feel bad, but not as bad as if I had been snubbed by a working actor.

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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Wedding Plans

Celebrity gossipers are smoking a cigarette after the delightful news that it is looking like Tom and Katie will be getting married this weekend. The are basing this on the facts that the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Hollywood has been erecting massive tents and chandeliers, the couple has been over there checking this out a couple of times, and that their hairstylist is on call all weekend.

Tom, let me just say that it really is all class to knock up a girl and then marry her; well, not quite as classy as marrying her, and then impregnating her, but we can't all be idealists, can we?

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Lindsay Lohan Having a Rough Time

Lindsay Lohan's British label has announced that they are dropping the actress/pop singer/Crackie McCracksalot due to the low sales of her new single which was likely caused by the fact that she was supposed to have spent time in the U.K. promoting, but didn't.

It's just as well, Lindsay. Now you can spend all of your time working on your acting career. With such deeply impressive works such as "Mean Girls" and "Herby: Fully Loaded" under your belt, you are obviously an actress of impeccable taste and substance. You're just wasting your time singing; nay, you're wasting the world's time by singing instead of acting. Give us more, Lindsay!

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Boy George Likes Trash, Apparently

Boy George has been ordered to spend five days this month picking up trash in NYC. This comes after calling the police to his apartment after a break-in several months ago, only to have the police find mountains of cocaine, and then arresting him for possession.

What do you have going through your mind that you call the police, and you don't bother to put away your cocaine? How do you figure you're going to get away from that one? "Sorry, officers, I was a minor celebrity in the eighties; it's legal for me to have coke." Moron.

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Ben Affleck Booed

Ben Affleck was at a Red Sox game with his wife Jennifer Garner, when a foul ball came his way. He went to catch it, but he backed away at the last minute so that a player from the Angels could catch it. However, other fans apparently thought that he had interfered with the play, and booed him.

Hey Ben, does that remind you of how people responded to Pearl Harbor? It should.

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Mel Enters Rehab

Mel Gibson has checked himself into rehab after being pulled over and making some "colorful" statements about Judaism last week. His representative would not say to which hospital Gibson had gone to, or for how long he would be staying.

To the left is the mug shot of the star. Others have said of this picture that he looks like a crazy man, but I can't help but see a profound sadness in his eyes. I don't know why I have a soft spot in my heart for the actor, but I really do hope that he gets the help that he needs.

Links: Pic. Source.