Britney Spears Says Second Baby Not On Purpose

Britney Spears recently told the press that her second baby was not planned.

Dear Second Baby:

As you will likely be reading this some day in the future when your mother is roughly the size of your average heavenly body, I will be brief.

Your mother did a lot of dumb stuff when she was younger. While this may not take the sting away from realizing that you were not really on the to do list, it will help explain why she would ever say something so potentially traumatizing to your future self.

Now, to more important matters. You need to walk, nay, RUN from the house. Your mother will eat you. She is that hungry and starved for attention.

Good luck.

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